How does being on exchange give you the excuse to do anything stupid/wrong/unhealthy? People keep using the phrase “but i’m on exchange!”. I’d answer in my mind, “yea, so what?”

I don’t think being away from home ever gives one the excuse to do all the silly, useless things. It’s really part of growing up, knowing how to discern which one you wanna do from all the opportunities laid right in front of your nose! especially when you’re being outside your comfort zone or social circle.

Besides that, so many people have been saying that you can slack and do whatever you want and enjoy life during exchange! I have nothing to say against it. But when I choose to actually study and try to do well, why do some people have to give me the judgmental stare and wondering what’s gone wrong in my head. Not that I actually need to spare some time to entertain these people with my reasonings…but sometimes I do that, just to let them know there’s another perspective to it.

I realize that when I go to school, spend time doing group project etc, I actually have two options: 1)to anyhow do it, but not learning anything but being a pain in the ass for my groupmates. I will end up just wasting loads of time of my life here during exchange. 2) the other option I have is to be attentive in class and really do proper work for projects and I will end up learning so many new things with the same amount of time spent.

So I chose the 2nd one. Coz that only makes sense. (well at least that’s what I think)

Believe it or not, the best class that I have ever attended in my University life is actually here during exchange. When I managed to learn so much and get really interested in the subject. The best and most comprehensive report I’ve ever done is also written during my exchange here. One of the best groups I’ve ever worked with is also found here during my exchange :)

About partying… that’s just not my thing. full stop. I don’t mind going to a party once in a while (read: not every week..). I don’t understand how people could go to party a few times in a week! that’s just crazy. I have nothing against it, you can do whatever you want, really.

One of the most common conversation I have:

A: are you coming to the party tonight? (you can pretty much find a party every day)

me: erm, i dont think so.

A: why? (mostly will look rather surprised

me: I don’t really like it. (sometimes i really cant make it coz i need to study for exams or simply need to have enough sleep)

A: you should come! you’re on exchange (again!-.-)

me: hmmm ya, just not my thing. I’d go to the important ones (like welcome party and probably farewell party haha)

… (and the conversation continues…. they trying to convince me, me sticking to original plan and sleep early haha)

I just can’t enjoy party so much. for 1 or 2 hours is fine… but for the whole night?? I can’t understand it.. 

oh wells.. that’s just my 2 cents and some rambling of things that have been in my head for some time :)

i realize i havent been using tumblr as much as before…perhaps coz i have been too busy updating my travelblog..and also the past few weeks before the easter break were definitely hell weeks..i actually stayed back in school almost everyday til evening (something that i didnt do back in NUS) - so much for a slack exchange! hahaha but i enjoyed it too. im so grateful i had awesome groupmates :) it really makes tonnes of differences.

anyway, im back from Italy trip, with my fellow crazy-weird friend! :D thanks for everything yaaa! from planning madness…countless skype calls and google image searches! til the actual trip itself.. from going budget, getting lost, queueing here and there, biscotti breakfasts (i miss it already) and all the conversations we had :)

im glad im back in mannheim, mostly because the weather hasnt been really friendly lately… but i’d say that we were so blessed all the time, throughout the whole trip.. and i enjoyed every bit of the experience (maybe except the waiting in cold parts)

i’ll make some posts about the trip in the other blog (after my exams…)

and now, back to work! :)

Almost two weeks have past in 2012. I decided to take some time to reflect and mainly to be grateful for every single thing that happened in 2011, all the things that made me who i am now, ready to discover another year of adventure!

2011 has indeed been another wonderful journey for me.

started the year with Bintan trip with the crazy people, crab watching, star gazing, endless billiard games, stoning by the beach… can’t ask for anything better to kick-off the year.

joined aiesec, organized NeueThinken II symposium..

UGANDA! i never really thought of going to Africa in the near future until last year. what an amazing and priceless experience. thanks to Ahim too! seeing savannah with my own eyes is just unbelievable. rafting in the nile! self-explanatory. living in a village with no electricity and no running water for a few days, sleeping in huts, meeting the most wonderful people, learning to ride motorbikes (and of course, fell down and paid (bribe) the boda driver).

German classes. class i enjoy most. Frau Niemann and hhmmmmmmmm…..Frau Neumann ;) the amazing classmates. 

internships at cushman and wakefield indonesia, and met great colleagues. 

so grateful for the chance given to me to do more ministry in church and in NUS ISCF. in children’s choir and in sie PKK. i have learned so much through these two. 

i feel that in 2011 i made  quite some new friends. and i mean, real friends :)

thank God for the lovely family time.

last but definitely not least, im so grateful i found my boi. all the nightwalks, cafe hunting, daydreaming, park-museum-zoo-and-birdpark dates, eat and eat and eat, boardwalk etc all the craziness and joy :)

all in all, it’s been a great, enjoyable year for me. many plans are not realized yet. but sooner or later, they will be. can’t wait for the new 2012 journey.

despite the fact that im kinda glad, in a way, that more people (i know) are using tumblr, at the same time it forces me to be more and more conscious when it comes to writing or reblogging a post… sighs.

I am blessed with a few people in my life, with whom I always discover/encounter something new, with whom i can do the silliest and the craziest thing one could ever think of and laugh til i can no longer do so, with whom together we can come up with the most random idea or plan and talk about anything under the sun, with whom i can keep silent and yet dont feel awkward at all but simply enjoying each other’s company, with whom we can fully be ourself without having any fear for being judged, simply because.

thank God for these very people :)

i started to realize in the past few years that i am gradually getting worse and worse in forming one complete sentence in purely just one language! especially in the recent months after i tried to integrate more deutsch into my daily conversation… not to mention some javanese words that are also, for some weird reason, mixed inside my sentences. or using mismatched sentence structure -.- eg. speaking english with deutsch grammatik.

in PINUS AGM, when i was raising up a concern, i wanted to say sth to with “straining” or “draining”. but guess what! the first word that came into my mind was “angestrend” … i know! and it took me a few good seconds before finally managed to find the right english word for it (or rather, helped by a friend lol) . sighs. 

and of course, all the occasional “VHY”s or “VHAT”s or “ABER”s and “UND DANN” and many more.

while EVERYONE else i know (or at least those who are in the same modules/major/faculty//// with me) is looking for INTERNSHIPS, i am not applying for any. komisch? you may think so. but i dont care :) i am in the midst of looking for an aiesec internship (although there’s the word ‘internship’ there, it is nothing like one i’d say, it’s more of a social project or an exchange) to africa. yes, baby, do you hear that? AFRICA! :D

I’ve told a few people about this and their responds vary.

my parents: hmmm…..they didnt object it, but didnt explicitly give any approval either haha but i’ll just take their silence as a yes ;) they are more worried about me not being able to come back x/

(a few) supportive friends: first of all, THANKS! as far as i can recall, there were only a handful of them who actually said that it is a great opportunities and i should just go for it. i really appreciate the supports! 

other concerned friends: they are concerned with my safety, well-being etc etc. i’d say thanks for the kind thoughts, i’ll pray for God to keep me safe over there.

People who are just thinking about internships and jobs and the future: this is the one that i hate the most. (i dont hate you guys, but i just dont share the same view with you in perceiving things in life) many raised their concerns of me not applying for any internships this summer. thanks for the concern btw, appreciate it. but helloo, i do think about my future too and prospective jobs etc etc. i know that internships are important, especially in helping one to find jobs after one graduates. i know that this summer is somewhat my last chance to have a 3-month internship (since i’ll be travelling around europe next year’s summer. teehee. dont judge, and let’s not go to that one yet!). i know that internships will help me find out more about the real working world yadda yadda yadda and is very important to have that in my CV. *cough*

but come on, who would ever forgo the chance to go to africa (or russia or latin america xp) in order to get an internship? yea maybe you would. but i definitely wont! 

perhaps it’s just the way we perceive life. we do it differently. and no one is more right than the others.

i, just like everyone else, do want to have a good future too. but does getting an internship in a big company guarantee that? does earning big bucks but burning your butts off give you a happier life? does working as a finance analyst or consultant give you ‘that feeling of true satisfaction’? even when you barely have time to spend with the ones you love?

i truly believe that there are so much more things in life, that are equally or even more important than those mentioned above.

and going to Africa and stay there for 2-3 months will certainly be a one of a kind experience that i can hardly get from anywhere else.

i’m still not certain of what i can expect to get from going there, but i know that i will be able to appreciate life better and it will give me the rare chance to go back to all the basic things in life, the things that matter most indeed. definitely one of the most difficult things to get if you’re living in an ridiculously-competitive place like singapore. maybe you should take a break now. ha!

you think i’m crazy or stupid or ridiculous? by all means. sometimes i do think so too! ;p but mind your own step, friends. always, always remember that there’s so much much more in life other than just internships and wealth and jobs…

don’t worry, i’m not judging anyone here. i’m not in any position to do so anyway. as i said before, being different doesn’t necessarily make any one better than the other. it’s just different. 

scared? yup, very much. but i really want it :)

—

Die höchste Form des Glücks ist ein Leben mit einem gewissen Grad an Verrücktheit.   (Erasmus von Rotterdam)

some things i’m currently working on:

trust /trʌst/ 

1. (noun) firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something 

2. (verb) believe in the reliability, truth, or ability of 

faith /feɪθ/

 1.  (noun) complete trust or confidence in someone or something

2. (noun) strong belief in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual conviction rather than proof

love /lʌv/

1. (noun) a strong feeling of affection

2. (verb) to have love or affection for

… and the list goes on …

it’s always an either-or case. 0% or 100%.

to trust someone 95% is as good as not trusting at all.

today was one of the worst days in the past weeks. or months. or even in 2010.

not that anything in particular happened. but i couldnt smile even for a bit throughout the day.

it was just bleh. like you know, bleh. best word to describe.

am a terrible person. gah.

at times like this, i hate myself. a lot. for not being just a normal person.

but what is normal anyway? egal.

should’ve been more grateful or got rid of those completely unnecessary worries or showed how i love my parents more.

PHAIL.

need a break, i guess.

there are certainly millions of things i can regret for. without doubt.

i asked myself, do i want to turn back time? yes was my first answer. then i asked myself again, do i really want to turn back time? i realized that, as much i as i wanted to, i don’t think i would be able to make things any better than how they are now. not that things are perfect now. but yea, you know.

nothing can replace the family i was born in. friendships i have now. privileges i am entitled to. opportunities laid in front of me. storms i have to endure. and every other thing.

really. life wouldn’t be as interesting as it is now if people could just turn back time whenever they want to.

then i start to question, what should i do then when i want to make any change to life? simple. start now.

in a pretty difficult position now.

conflict of interests:

relationship vs selfishness

friends vs me-time

schoolwork vs hobbies

spending time with close friends vs catching up with old friends

not hurting people around me vs doing what i want

sleep vs work

perfection vs time constraint

me vs you

peer pressure vs my interest vs God’s will

living an easy reckless life vs living a responsible useful life

depending on God alone vs human effort

…

prioritize? you tell me.

some could be solved by duplicating myself a few times.

some cant be helped.

some (simply) require more wisdom and faith and, more importantly, God’s help. well, on a second thought, all do.

we are just human after all. imperfect.

things dont always go as how we wish or plan them to be.

some simply dont work, no matter how you try to fix or modify them.

and we dont like changes. inertia.

some turn out to be worse, some better.

the worst part is actually the time when we have to concede to reality, admitting that we (partially) screw up.

the rest? they will fix themselves. or time will.

a big heart and a little bit more faith, that’s all we need.

messy life. messy mind. messy plan. messy room. even messy tumblr.

might have to adopt it as my middle name